Chinese Food Power Rankings


So a couple days ago I ordered Chinese Food and I started to think about my love for Chinese Food and all the happiness it has given me over the years. So today I decided to give you my top 5 Chinese Take Out foods.

5. Cold Sesame Noodles


Listen, I know this is a controversial pick but this is why I did this list, we need to just admit Sesame Noodles are fucking delicious. Now I will not lie, I do not love Sesame Noodles with the scallions on top but when its just noodles and sesame sauce this is the perfect way to begin your Chinese food voyage.

4. Dumplings


This is a pretty standard pick at the 4 spot, A couple dumplings with some sauce is just perfection. The only issue I have ever had with a dumpling is that I have a place near me that puts like a lot of scallions inside the meat inside the dumpling. Dumplingception, I legit called them once and tried to get down to the bottom of it and they had zero answers for me mainly because they don’t speak white person but still.  But besides that dumplingception issue everytime I eat a dumpling I am happier than  a pig in shit.

3. Boneless Spare Ribs


This was a tough choice because in my younger years I would of probably chosen normal bone-in spare ribs because I loved the thrill of holding the rib and feeling like a caveman who is master of his domain. But as I have gotten older I have began to stray away from the bone in, I don’t like the mess it creates and that is why I needed to go Boneless here because it is the perfect combination of saltiness, crunch, and tenderized meat to make a man go wild.

2. Sesame Chicken


This was not an easy decision by any means because normal people would just say that Sesame Chicken is just sugar and sesame seeds on chicken and they’re right but that is exactly the same reason it is so high on this list. It is simple yet refined and a goto for anyone ordering Chinese Food at any times. Only issue I have seen is like health freaks trying to make Sesame Chicken with like grilled chicken? Get the fuck out of my face with that shit, I like my Sesame Chicken dripping with grease, sesame sauce, and self hatred.

  1. Rice


THE UNDISPUTED CHAMPION OF THE WORLDDDDDDDD, MOTHERFUCKING RICE. Listen, It is not the flashiest pick in the world but this is the right pick. This is picking Andrew Luck over the flashy RG3, sure it might not get the people riled up but rice is a five star can’t miss prospect. You ever not get rice with your take out order by accident? Never been more panicked in my entire life once you realize “holy fuck they forgot the rice”. Rice is the dad of the Chinese family, it holds the whole meal together and without rice sesame chicken and the ribs end up running wild and having bastard children. I also need to touch on the versatility of rice, you can fry it up, you can have delicious plain white rice with a touch of soy sauce when you’re stomach is not 100%, you can throw some rice in soup, you can even make rice cakes and have it as a snack, rice is the swiss army knife of foods.

Notable Omissions: Egg Foo Young, Low Mein, General Tso’s chicken are all huge omissions but they cannot all be on the list folks. Its a dog eat dog world in the land of Chinese Food. (pun intended).

PS: I am Asian




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